friend of mine asked me my opinion on how to get a girlfriend the other day, and as I’m giving him my advice, I thought this might interest you as well.
Some guys want to get a girlfriend, for whatever reason…
Maybe you’re just looking to have steady company, or you’d like regular intimacy with a girl that’s more than just a friend with benefits
Maybe you want to find a deeper emotional connection, or you want to have somebody to snuggle up with over the winter
Maybe you want to take a break from “the game”, or maybe you want to get married and have kids?
Whatever the motives, here’s how to get a girlfriend, in 5 steps… and while this may contrast with advice in other articles on how to seduce women quickly, it actually doesn’t differ that much… you’ll see.
RULE #1: TO GET A RELATIONSHIP, DON’T
LOOK FOR A RELATIONSHIP!
If you do, it will make you needy with every girl you talk to.
If you want her to be with you, and only you, forever and ever and all that other Disney propaganda, she will pick up on the needy vibe in a heartbeat. And if you try to “get her” for a relationship before she signals that she might be open to that idea… you’re toast.
In nature, it’s the female’s role to try and get the most attractive guy to commit to her. This is because, as we talked about in “ What Women Want,” women unconsciously class men they’re interested in romantically in two groups – the LOVERS and the PROVIDERS:
Often women will have a hot affair with a guy who might not make the perfect daddy, but who has a lot of traits that she finds sexually very attractive. He is the ideal LOVER, and women often chase after this kind of guy and try to MAKE him into a provider.
At the same time, there is another type of man who might not have the same sex appeal, but who makes up for it with better qualities as a father and breadwinner. This type of guy is usually chasing after HER… and even if he does get her, she will usually hold all the power in the relationship.
Which one would you rather be?
A guy who is looking for a relationship is also
less attractive and hence less able to attract women .
Don’t be TOO easy… human beings have the intriguing characteristic of being unable to value that which they don’t have to work hard for. Everybody loves a challenge… especially women.
If you’re chasing after her and trying to win her as your girlfriend, you are implicitly communicating that you are the provider … in other words, that you don’t have the sexually attractive traits of a worthy lover, who is confident that she will chase him… or who won’t care either way, for that matter, because he has a lot of options.
RULE #2: INSTEAD, LOOK FOR DATES!
Even if you want to find the one girl that’s right for you, chances are she won’t be the first one you go out with. You may have to date several people to find one who’d really be a great match.
And if you have several flings, one of them is very likely to turn into a relationship… if you simply allow it to!
These flings will also up your confidence and hence your game… they will make you go from a scarcity mentality to an abundance mentality, and change how you act around women. This will also make you more attractive… because you ARE the lover now… by definition.
Which triggers girls to chase YOU.
Also, while you’re still looking for the right girlfriend, you won’t be lonely, sexually desperate or needy… so the wait is EASY… it might even be fun!
And don’t worry that she might think you’re a player… women may not admit it, but they find true Casanovas magnetically attractive. In fact, I once asked my first mentor this very question – won’t I get a reputation as a “ladies man”?
His answer was: “Yes, you will… and you have to nurture this reputation… every chance you get.”
RULE #3: DON’T COMMIT UNTIL SHE’S COMMITTED
As long as you’re seeing her only occasionally and she’s not fully committed to you yet – don’t you DARE stop dating other girls!
Don’t feel guilty about it either… why should you offer a girl something she isn’t offering you?
A female friend of mine went overseas and asked her boyfriend: “Are we going to be dating other people?” He said: “Well, you can, but I won’t.” She just said: “Oh, cool”… went ahead and dated other people.
No, no, no, sir.
I need to talk to this guy and put some sense into him!
RULE #4: DON’T STRIVE FOR A “BALANCE OF POWER”
Sure… it’s a nice idea for a relationship.
Unfortunately, in the early stages of love, the equilibrium is very unstable… and most guys who think they are in a “balanced” relationship are actually in a submissive role… even if only ever so slightly.
The reason is what we talked about above – you are, by definition, either the lover… or the provider. If you are the former, you will have a slight upper hand in the situation… and if you’re the latter, she will be slightly more dominant.
It’s just the way of nature… one of the two people in a relationship usually feels more strongly, and chases a bit more. If you would like to know more about this process, I highly recommend the book “ The Passion Trap ”, by Dean C. Delis.
Yes, it’s annoying… I used to get upset about it too.
But the good news is that once you get to know each other, entirely different rules apply and you can create an equilibrium.
The rules for dating and relationships are different, and often, opposite!
RULE #5: FALL IN LOVE, DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS
Personally, I would only ever commit to a girl when I’m in love with her.
But falling in love is something that sometimes happens and sometimes it doesn’t… we don’t have much control over our infatuation, so it’s nothing I could develop techniques for.
Here’s the good news though – keep dating girls you’re attracted to, and sooner or later the right one will be among them .
What’s more: this way, you will already be dating a girl once you start developing feelings for her – so you will never find yourself in the unpleasant position of having to chase women you have fallen for and who consider you a friend .
It is virtually guaranteed that your emotions will compel you to make every single mistake in the book in this case… and ruin all your chances of ever getting with this girl, ending up in the dreaded “ just friends” No Man’s Land you never want to end up in.
This is by no means a cynical perspective… I have enjoyed several exclusive romantic relationships with amazing girls, and I think that falling in love is amazing… so long as it’s mutual !
It’s okay to have a heart.
The thing is only – I met most of these girls because I had an active dating life, and not by hoping that the right one would somehow magically fall into my lap, or knock at my door.
It is always a good idea to be a bit more proactive.
DATING WITHOUT LOVE